Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
