either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
