Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
