I heard we made out
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
