Your face is a jimmy john
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
