Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
