i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
