I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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