just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize