mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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