why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
