thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
