we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
