I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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