I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
