dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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