How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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