just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
