well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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