This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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