4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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