just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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