You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
