I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
