Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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