I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
