how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
