If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
