ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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