Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
