apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
