I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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