my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
