What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
false alarm. still invincible.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
