Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize