I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
