left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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