Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
don't judge my taste in strippers
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
