I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
