It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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