Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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