i can't believe i had my finger in that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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