Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize