I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
