Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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