Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
