I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
