Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
