I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
