Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
