The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
