I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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