oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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