Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
