so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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