I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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