Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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