i don't plan on having that self control this summer
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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