I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
