i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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