omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
