actually, I'm a sock model
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We need to get me chipped asap
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize