you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
