And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
